endless HOPE…

endless HOPE…

#4 – A Blog is Born


If you’ve just tuned in, you may want to read the page called “Our Story” by clicking up in the top right…

Sat Sept 28, 2013It was a wonderful Saturday morning coffee date with my friend Dr. Susan Biali (thanks for letting me use your name here Susan).  We had planned it a couple of months in advance I think, cause our lives had been so busy…ok her life more than mine!  (Checkout her FB page – author, speaker, life coach, medical doctor…oh ya, and flamenco dancer!).  Near the end of our couple hours together, she encouraged me again as she has the past two years to write a book.  I told her it just seems so daunting and though she has walked me through the steps it’s just so hard to start!  She suggested to maybe start with a blog, write in small chunks to just get the words out, and then it will be easier later to pull into a book.  She told me what website to start with and voilà that’s what inspired me to get going on this project just a couple of weeks later.  Thank you Susan!  It’s already felt so therapeutic and rewarding.

She had also told me over a year earlier that a book doesn’t have to happen right away, sometimes it takes up to 7 or 10 years from the time of its inspiration.  It makes sense I suppose, as we discussed the fact that it is often years of experiences, the aftermath, or rather the further story of redemption – all things continuing to work together for good – that finally culminates into something to share.  

This was all a relief to hear, as back within the first few days it had felt like there was so much to say already that I needed to get my act together and be sure to get documenting.  By the time of Brandon’s Celebration of Life service, 11 days after his passing, three people had said the word “book” to me, and inside I had already intended to do it.  Deep down I acknowledged that the idea was outlandish at best – it was outside my scope, I had no training, no degree, no artsy-fartsy or creative side to me whatsoever, I thought.  Gosh, I had only ever read 1 or 2 novels all the way through (in my adult life), and then some work courses and the Bible.  Life had been so busy the last 20 years that all my self-improvement books on marriage and parenting had a book mark in them at either page 7, or about page 40.  Although I knew I was completely unaccredited and a delinquent in the eyes of the literary world, to me our experiences so far seemed like a story.  To me it was so much tragedy, swaddled in so many tiny miracles, in such a short time, and it just had to be shared. 

Only a few days after it happened, my sister-in-law helped me record those early details on her phone app.  It was a valuable chance to capture that incredible day of loss and the 5 days leading up to it while it was still fresh.   Then I started to make notes a few days after his service – fully intending to turn it all into something.  Within a couple of months it felt like I was taking too long – was I going to get this done?

Sure enough, two years later I sat there with no book started, just catching up with my friend on seemingly small everyday events.  Susan told me she felt it was all so inspirational, however, and we realized so much would have been missed if the book had been done immediately (without “procrastination” as I would have guilted myself about in the past, before she explained book writing to me). 

Our first raw thoughts and experiences are valuable, but with time they simmer, settle out, grow and mature into wisdom, as we find out about “the rest of the story”.  Our whole life is a continuing saga, where in the world can you cut it off?!  When I was originally typing this paragraph in my journal on Word, I hit the 600 word mark and second page of my document …and I wondered and wrote “Hmmm, how long will this end up, and how long will it take for me to be satisfied that I could ever even put “The End” on the last page of a book?  There’s so much life left to live, and so much effect Brandon’s life will continue to have on mine….so maybe instead… (and I had goose bumps at the thought)…the last page will simply beg me to type the words “To Be Continued…”  

Now that feels exciting, kinda like there truly is endless HOPE…

<3  Janine Kurtz

7 thoughts on “#4 – A Blog is Born

  1. Yes, there is so much richness that comes with time and processing (and hindsight). Your book will emerge perfectly on schedule – and in the meantime I’m so thrilled you are doing this. I just know your story will offer hope and healing to so many. Go Janine!

  2. Janine, your on your way ! Go girl…🙏❤️❌⭕️

    PS. Love the title “endless HOPE”. 💞👍

    Sent from my iPad.


  3. Just write what is on your heart and it will come together later!! Love you Janine!!

  4. I love the intricacy and “awkwardness” of your story. It is a maze of feelings, and it is the honesty of your story that speaks. I’m sorry for your loss.

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