endless HOPE…

endless HOPE…


#2 – endless HOPE…

If you’ve just tuned in, you may want to read the page called “Our Story” by clicking up in the top right…

Oct 13, 2013 – Thanksgiving Monday…the day I actually, finally, started typing.  This was the morning I again glanced back at my mini-journal of scratch notes, mostly two-word reminders to flesh out later – details I had racked my brain for and had started jotting down just a few days after the Celebration of Brandon’s Life.  They were keywords to big and small things alike – things that would pop into my head and I’d jot down, as I wasn’t sure they were recorded anywhere else – a mix of early painful details, alongside miracles, all of which I certainly did not want to forget. 

I have made notes every once in a while over the past two years, as well as lists – trying to think of where all the pieces of info would be – like puzzle pieces I knew I would need to put our story together later, without forgetting anything.  The list of important items just goes on and on – from his friend’s speech, to another friend’s pencil sketch of him, to Facebook comments and pages created, to phone records with time stamps to help me meticulously piece that morning together.  There are so many details of our story that I know will get fuzzier and fuzzier, and I have not been able to bear the thought of anything being left out. 

It’s like I’ve become sentimental about everything – even one remaining white plastic BB hiding in the corner of a ceramic dish in the kitchen (watch for an upcoming post with the BB story – it’s about “Appreciating the Mess”).  Everything seems to have a shred of memory attached to it, making it a critical piece.  Without these objects or keywords, I have felt many precious details just wouldn’t be remembered when I finally sat down to start writing. 

It’s been almost like thousands of little strings tied on the fingers of my mind, that I’ve been terrified would come unravelled and fall away without me noticing until it was too late. 

At last, the official record is starting to be written…and I again feel a surge of that endless HOPE.


<3 Janine Kurtz


Leave a comment

#1 – Baby Step, Start a Blog


My Facebook status earlier today read…

“On my mind:   Have been encouraged to write a book – several times now by several people…not anything I would ever have imagined doing!  Write a book?  Ha, I hardly even read books!  If I did sit down and get into though…I could keep going for a month…so it feels too big to start.  First suggestion was to do blog articles to get rolling….hmmm, scary but kinda interesting…feels like a baby step…that would be more manageable.  Maybe it will be just a private journal first, an outlet to process life…or maybe parts could be shared.  Not sure if people feel they are helped and encouraged by hearing someone else’s deep and detailed thoughts, or if the world is tired of hearing everyone talk about themselves and their experiences.”

Several hours later I had 34 likes and 30 comments encouraging me on…and by then 1600 words in my roughly typed journal…so here goes nothin‘ somethin’!

Start by reading “Our Story” on the top right.

<3  Janine Kurtz